| Whatzis With The Tzitzis ? by Zalman Velvel |
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Good evening everyone. Did you all have a good time? Great. You know, as I sat down to write this closing speech, I remembered the closing speech at my daughter’s graduation given by the Dean of the Law School. The Dean stood up, boldly, in front of more than a 1,000 people, and began by saying he couldn’t remember one worthwhile thing from any closing speech he ever heard, and he had heard hundreds. He then promised his closing speech was going to be different – it would be short and memorable. Then the dean proceed to give a very loooong speech -it was over an hour -of which I can’t remember one thing from … other than his broken promise. Well, tonight I promise this closing speech is going to be short, and I know that many of you will appreciate that, and it will also be memorable. I am going to discuss a question that haunted me, day and night, for almost two weeks. It’s a question I took home about six months ago, after my first speech promoting my first book, “King of Shabbos.” I spent 20 hours preparing a one hour presentation. 20 hours of writing and re-writing, crafting the words carefully, timing the jokes. 20 hours! When it came time to deliver that speech, I stood in front of an audience of Jewish people, my people, our people, a people known for our stubbornness and skepticism, traits that have been amplified by thousands of years of pain and persecution, and I explained how returning to our traditions made me feel Proud to be Jewish and more fulfilled as a human being, and by implication, their returning to our Jewish traditions would do the same for them … And when I was finished, the strongest reaction in clearly the most interested member of the audience was, “So where’s your tzitzis?” And that is tonight’s question. “So where’s your tzitzis, Zalman Velvel?” A bold question, isn’t it? My inquisitor could see that I had a beard. I also had a yarmulke. But he knew that Jewish men were also obligated to put on an extra four cornered garment with fringes on each corner, called a tzitzis, which looks like this (take one out), and yes, the name is funny, but the question remained, where oh where was my tzitzis? Not on me, that was for sure. How could he tell? You see, most Jews that wear this garment put it inside their shirt with the four fringes hanging out. Rabbi, and anyone else wearing tzitzis, could you help me out here by standing up and showing your tzitzis … thank you. By the way, some Jewish men wear tzitzis outside their shirt … like this … for all the world to see. But inside or outside, I didn’t believe tzitzis were designed to be worn where I live, in South Florida, because we have eight months of summer, with 95 degrees and 95 percent humidity. It’s too darn hot, for anything but a t-shirt. That is what I told myself. But too darn hot or not, it was still a commandment, and I knew it. And I knew that commandments were givens, commandments were prerequisites, commandments were laws. Commandments were not invitations to debate with the Almighty. Yes, it’s too darn hot in South Florida … true … true … but … that darn tzitzis question had me walking around, muttering to myself, day and night, night and day, for two weeks. What I was muttering about? I was wondering: “Who was I to stand up and say anything, to anyone, about anything Jewish, and me without tzitzis? “So where’s your tzitzis, Zalman Velvel?” Can’t you almost hear the words, “you hypocrite!” coming after that question? I could. Loud and clear. So two weeks after the book speech, I’m standing inside my closet, looking at this lonely pair of tzitzis laying on one of my shelves. I bought it 5 years ago in Israel, during a religious frenzy, and vowed to wear it when I returned to the States. But when I hit the blazing Florida heat, the vow was forgotten … until that darn tzitzis question. I took the tzitzis off the shelf, unfolded it, took off my t-shirt, put on the tzitzis, and then placed my t-shirt over it. I looked down and there were four groups of fringes sticking out. I thought, “Hey, that’s not so bad.” Then I went outside. Within seconds, rivers of sweat poured out of me. I charged back into the air-conditioned house shvitzing like Abraham fleeing from Sodom and Gemorah … and just as I was about to tear off my tzitzis, I heard this voice shout, “Hypocrit … hypocrit … hypocrit.” No, it wasn’t my wife. My wife is kinder than that. This was a voice that came from inside my soul and it repeated the word “hypocrite” cruelly over and over until my response was: “Okay … okay … okay, already! I’ll keep it on.” We interrupt this closing speech for a point of information – the Torah states that the tzitzis and its fringes are worn as a daily reminder to follow the 613 commandments. Well, the fringes did become a daily reminder because they got caught in everything. Dozens of times each day, they got tangled on a chair, or wrapped up and knotted in my belt, or tied up around my cell phone, or completely kafritzed in my car keys. And not to mention zippers! Tzitzis love jamming up zippers – they’re attracted to them. So it’s true, during the 100’s of times I stopped to untangle my tzitzis, I was reminded of the 613. Added to the “kafritzis of the tzitzis” is the fascination smaller beings have with them. What am I talking about? A couple of weeks after I started to wear tzitzis, my daughter shrieked so loud, and at such a pitch, that I lost ten years off my life. Why was she shrieking? Because her daughter, my granddaughter, was sitting on my knee, and unbeknownst to me, she was chewing merrily away on my tzitzis. My daughter snatched her away before she choked, leaving behind a clump of soggy chewed up fringe strings. Then there was the time I felt a tugging on my back. When I turned around, there was our cat, Midnight, clawing at my rear fringes, playing mousey-mouse, a game that only cats understand. When one of Midnight’s front paws got tangled up in the strings, I had to twist around and grab him, and then untangle the fringes stuck in his claws. ****************** So where’s your tzitzis, Zalman Velvel? Here … I’m wearing them. I replaced the first chewed up and clawed up pair with a special tzitzis like these … made for the IDF, the Israel Defense Forces, given to me by my brother. They are composed of an ultra-light mesh material, so there is less sweating. Do they serve their purpose? Do they make me more observant? Well … yes and no … How’s that for an answer, Rabbi? Yes, they remind me of our 613 commandments, but no, even with the reminders, I still break some of them … and then I start to feel guilty -another Jewish trait developed over 1000’s of years – but I don’t think that was what God had in mind when he created the commandment. Okay, let’s ask the true litmus test question -does my life feel better with or without tzitzis? Well … and this is the surprising part … I actually like wearing tzitzis now, even with the heat and untangling, the shvitzing and kafritzing, even with the guilt. Why? Because sometimes … I don’t know if I can say this … sometimes … this is embarrassing … sometimes … I get this … this … this feeling … that God is watching us … you and me … and He’s smiling … because at least we’re trying to be better. I mean, isn’t that why we’re here tonight … isn’t that why we come to Chabad? Aren’t we trying to be better? I would like you to think about that question on your way home – Are we trying to be better? If you take it with you, then I can fulfill the promise I made to you in the beginning -to make a closing speech that was short, because I’m almost done now, and memorable. But before you go, please congratulate yourselves for coming tonight. You’ve been a warm and generous audience for Chabad, and you deserve a hand. Come on, give yourselves a hand … And let me leave you, also, with a short and memorable blessing -Yivorcha adonoy vayishmorecha -may the Lord bless you and watch over you – and let me add -eem tzitzit o blee tzitzit -with or without tzitzis … thank you, and good night. THE END |
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How did you feel about the story? Please send me your thoughts, feedback and comments. Also, would you like me to give this presentation to your audience? Please let me know as well … Thank you! You may print this story for yourself, but you may not copy it without permission from the author. Copyright 2008 by Zalman Velvel Inc. All Rights Reserved. |