Kabbalah Kronicles 22 – Kabbalah of Love – Part II
By
Uncle Zally / Zalman Velvel
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I hope you enjoyed last week’s blog about Guilt and Confession, and laughed along with me. I was feeling particularly happy, remembering a time in my life when I was particularly in love.Which brings me to love and Kabbalah, a subject I began in blog 19, when Rabbi Itchy stated: “In order for love to last, Kabbalah says you have to love the part of your mate that does not change.”
I questioned that by asking, “But people change all the time, Rabbi. What is there about a person that does not change?”
Rabbi Itchy answered: “Their essence. According to Kabbalah, our essence never changes, it just becomes more revealed through time. It is our best part – our Godly soul.”
We didn’t have a chance to delve deeper into the process of how you love someone’s essence, while the other parts are making you want to choke the life out of them, because Rabbi Itchy was on sabbatical for a month.
We had a little fun in the blog while the Rabbi was gone, but I promised when he returned, we would answer the question, “How can you stay in love and be happily married for life?” and once again, Kabbalah would supply the answer to one of life’s great mysteries.
Well, the Rabbi is back. I waited on the path he follows from his home to synagogue on Saturday morning, and ambushed him before class. Before we jump back into the Kabbalah of love, permit me to give you some facts.
First, around the world, the highest divorce rates are in Russia with 65% and Sweden with 64%. The U.S. is only number 12 with 50% of our marriages ending in divorce. Incidentally, we are in touch with many young couples in our business, and 75% of the ones we see are not married, even though they have been living together for years, and some have children together. They have told us they know they are fighting the odds by planning a long-term relationship, so they don’t even bother trying.
Now, the top reasons for divorce are money (lack of it), not getting along, and adultery. For adultery, one in five people state Facebook facilitated the extra-marital affairs. Next down the line for causes of divorce are lack of commitment, lack of communication, abandonment, alcohol addiction, substance abuse, physical abuse, and criminal behavior.
Okay, now that we are chock full of reality, and we understand that both love, and marriage, are broken, and Kabbalah says they can fixed by falling in love with a person’s essence, let’s understand how to do that.
My first question to Rabbi Itchy was – is everyone’s essence the same, or different?
He said, yes, our essence is the same, because it is a part of God, but how it is revealed in each person is different, some being more revealed than others. Apparently some Godly souls are wearing low-cut dresses and sporting short hemlines. Also, the Rabbi added, the effect of each person’s animal soul on their Godly soul is different. That is the part you want to choke sometimes.
But ultimately, in a world where God was completely revealed, which He is NOT as of now, then we would love God, and each person the same, because they are all part of the One we call God.
Now Rabbi Itchy said something that shocked me.
“Usually the person who wants out of a marriage is the root cause of why it wasn’t working.”
He explained it by the telling a funny story, and a true story, which he knows will get my attention.
He said there was a man he knew who was seeing a psychiatrist, and he told him he was getting a divorce. The psychiatrist asked, “Why?” The man said, “It’s all my wife’s fault. She’s impossible to live with!” The psychiatrist asked, “Are you sure it’s all her fault?” The man said, “Yes.” Then the man proceeded to get divorced, and then re-married and divorced three more times. When he was re-married for the fifth time, he was once again thinking of divorcing again, and told his psychiatrist. The psychiatrist asked him once again, “Why?” The man said, “It’s all my wife’s fault. She’s impossible to live with!” The psychiatrist asked once again, “Are you sure it’s all her fault?” The man said, “Y …. y…y….y …. Well, maybe doc, after five times, I might have some blame in the matter.”What does that story illustrate? That if both partners accept the blame as to why the marriage is not working, try their best to communicate, understand each other, and help the other with what they want and need from the relationship, then the reason to break up should disappear.
By the way, the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is 60%, and third marriages is 73%. The grass is not greener on the other side of marriage – in fact, it is burnt and dried out. Those facts also illustrate practice does not make perfect when it comes to love and marriage … and we don't get wiser in love over time.
The Rabbi further added that it would be better if people revealed not only their good side, their Godly Soul, to their future spouse, but also their other side, their Animal Soul, as well. Then each potential spouse in a love, and possible future marriage relationship, could make a fair decision as to whether they wanted to share the rest of their life with the other person, based on the total package of good and no so good (notice I did not say bad … but I was thinking it.)
Permit me to add what another renowned Kabbalist said about this:
“You know, sometimes when a close friend dies, you miss their faults, as much as you miss their good character traits, because that’s what made them special, even endearing.”
That Kabbalist was my mother, and she said it about my father, after she became a widow.Now, we have not explored the Kabbalah of love completely, by any means.
Look for more mystical secrets in future episodes of “How The Kabbalah Kookie Krumbles.”
Until then, “L’etrahote, boobie.”
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