Kabbalah Kronicles 16 – Party Time, Kabbalah Style

Uncle Zally / Zalman Velvel

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Farbrengan is a Yiddish word. It means a “gathering.” A gathering of what?

Well, picture a table …

Around the table are gathered friends, scholars, rabbis, wealthy men, poor men, righteous men and a faithless SOB who is occasionally funny.

In the middle of the table are snacks – pretzels, chips, finger food, humus, bagels, lox, or whatever. In between the snacks are at least two giant, family size bottles of expensive “moshka,” or spirits. Red and White.

Not wine. Stoli’s and Chivas Regal … are good examples. Grey Goose Vodka and Glenlivet Single Malt, 18 years old, are exceptional examples.

As a side note, the inclusion of spirits was what attracted this faithless SOB on his return to spirituality. I figured, any group that sanctified hard liquor couldn’t be all bad. As a result of all the spirituality I absorbed at Farbregans, I learned to enjoy double shots of straight vodka, chilled, with no ice. By the way, it’s said that after two shots of vodka, they all taste the same. It’s true.

So what happens at a Farbrengan, or “farby?”

Well, the Rabbi in charge usually starts off by pouring himself a healthy glass of Red or White, raising the glass, and then calling out, “L’chaim!” which means, to life. Everyone responds back, “L’chaim!” Then the Rabbi drains his glass, and then follows up with a healthy glass of water, which he also drains. The people gathered around the table follow the rabbi’s example.

Thus, the pump has been primed.

Now the weekly portion of the Bible is discussed. The Bible is divided into 52 portions, so it can be read each year from front to back, or back to front, depending on your frame of reference, one week at a time. The simple meaning of that week’s portion is expounded.

More Red and White are imbibed, and more nosh accompanies it.

Before you jump to conclusions, let me explain why there is moshka and nosh. According to Rabbi Itchy, who led this week’s farby, the moshka and nosh are there to calm the animal soul inside of us, so our Godly soul is liberated from its clutches, and can become one with the Holy words of the Bible.

It is said that women are more spiritual than men, and they don’t need spirits and nosh to attain a Holy state of mind. I have found this to be true. However, it has also been said, that in order for women to truly achieve higher spiritual states, they must pacify their animal souls with jewelry and designer shoes.

Now, getting back to the farby. As the spirituality increases, the deep hidden meanings behind the Holy words are discussed, and this has come to be known as Kabbalah. If you are lucky, the leader of the farby makes the Holy words apply to everyday living, and they light up your life. When that happens, it is said:

“Words from the heart, enter the heart.”

Some faithless ones may ask: “How is a farby any more spiritual that a group of guys meeting on a weekday night to play Texas Holdem, while smoking smelly cigars, drinking large quantities of beer, and consuming three large Domino’s pizzas, with extra cheese?”