The Kabbalah Kronicles 8- Good News & Bad News
By
Uncle Zally, Zalman Velvel
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It’s Shabbos morning, and we’re waiting for Rabbi Itchy to begin Kabbalah Klass. I arrived early, not wanting to miss one minute. If you read the previous Kronicles, you know I am satisfied with the first level of prayer and meditation we learned in the previous Klass. Can a Jew be satisfied with being satisfied? We’ll see …
The regulars do not look satisfied – the professional comedian, the former minister/basketball star, the widow who’s God’s friend, a world famous speaker, his 16 year old son (who is not used to being awake at 9 AM on a Saturday morning), and Dr. Toomler, who disagrees with almost everything Rabbi Itchy says. There is a new addition, a quiet guy with a long beard, holding a shopping bag.
I don’t feel funny or playful this morning, which in itself is a mystical occurrence.
Rabbi Itchy begins by reviewing the previous Klass, where we were instructed to empty our minds and clear out our egos and pre-conceived notions, in order to gain better communication with the Almighty. Itchy takes a deep breath, then pushes ahead to the new material.
“I have good news and bad news for all of you,” he says getting our attention. “The good news is, there is even a deeper level of communication with the Almighty than we discussed last week.”
The faces around me beamed. I didn’t. I wanted to hear the bad news first, before I beamed.“The bad news is, that in order to achieve an even deeper of communication with God, your spirit must be crushed.”
“Are you serious?” Dr. Toomler challenged.
“Absolutely,” Rabbi Itchy continued. “The second level of communication with the Almighty can only begin when you are truly humble. You can work on yourself to achieve a measure of humility … but the truly humble are people whose spirit is crushed by life, they are the ones who can draw closest to God. Why? Because they know deep in their souls that everything they ever had, or ever will have, are blessings from God, granted with His sole permission, and not due to their own strengths and talents. Some Kabbalists believe that God does this on purpose, crushes the spirit of the people He loves the most, to draw them closer.”
It is at this point the famous speaker raises his hand. When he talks, a hush falls over the others, another mystical occurrence because we are not a quiet group.
He shares with us the story of his life, how much wealth he accumulated, which was prodigious, and how he lost 95% of it … and then lost more than his business and career … he lost his family and his health … to alcoholism … going further into despair until … having nothing else, he got down on his knees and humbled himself before God.
He shocked the regulars by his admission, but not me. I knew his history, because he is a good friend. I was the one who insisted he come to Kabbalah Klass because I believed the dialogue between him and Rabbi Itchy would be enlightening. My friend is on a search for truth, and a deeper communication with the Almighty. Perhaps someday when he achieves that, he will use his God given speaking talent to ease the spiritual suffering in others. 
After class, my sense of humor returned, so I sent my friend a text: “I want you to know God came to me first … asked who He should love the most … and because I am a humble and generous guy … I offered you. 
”
”He texted me back:
“Thanks Uncle Zally – it was a kind and thoughtful gesture … you know the class was amazingly fruitful for me today. Exactly what I needed, tying up a lot of loose ends. Rabbi Itchy is very good.”
… you know the class was amazingly fruitful for me today. Exactly what I needed, tying up a lot of loose ends. Rabbi Itchy is very good.”I texted back:
“And so are you … now if you want to go to the next level … I have two pieces of lumber in my back yard … and some nails … if you think it hurts to have your spirit crushed … wait until you feel those nails go in. ”
”While my sense of humor returned, his didn’t. His answer was:
“Nails are easy. Just the physical. We know what’s coming. The spiritual … that’s tough.”
After all this serious mysticism, I needed a smile. I got out Gil’s jpeg.
It Is So Nice To Have Good Friends
By the way, Rabbi Itchy ended Kabbalah Klass by saying, “There is another level to Kabbalistic prayer, even deeper than the two we discussed, and we will learn it next Shabbos.”
I’m not so sure I want to learn all this. I like my spirit uncrushed, just the way it is.
I think that when the others advance a grade, I’m going to get left back.
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