Funny Story Samplers

§ 03 · FUNNY · EXCERPTS

Funny Story Samplers.

Chapter openings from Zalman’s comic fiction — read the sample, decide if you want the rest.

01

Shaynda Leah’s Shonda

Rabbi Levi was sitting at his desk in his little office, hardly bigger than a closet, in the back of his shul, Bais Simcha. It was 11 PM, Thursday…

READ · 9 MIN →
02

The Mushuginah Minyan

It was Sabbath morning, and there were only nine men at synagogue Bais Simcha in Sunshine, Florida, a little town west of Miami. Every time the front…

READ · 7 MIN →
03

Hashem Told Me

Rabbi Levi was sitting behind his worn out desk, stroking his gray flecked beard, in his tiny office in the back of his small synagogue, Bais Simcha…

READ · 5 MIN →
04

Gornisht Mit Gornisht

There are tales of woe and then there are tales of woe. This tale of woe was so woeful that if you took all the tales of woe ever concocted by a…

READ · 4 MIN →
05

Shmulik

The day of his 100th birthday was like no other for Shmulik. It began like any other day. Shmulik arose just before the sun came up, put on his black…

READ · 3 MIN →
06

Walking Odie

Odie scratched on the front door, and then turned around and looked at me with pain in his eyes. He was a cute little dog, fuzzy brown, about ten…

READ · 2 MIN →
07

And Then ‘ The Phone Rang

Larry picked up the Smith & Wesson 38 revolver, and put the barrel to his temple. It’s hopeless, he thought. His finger tightened on the trigger…

READ · 2 MIN →
08

Walkin’ Odie Part II

Odie was a very old dog when we were by ourselves again. My daughter went out of town to Disneyworld, along with her 1 year old son. She took my wife…

READ · 2 MIN →
09

Praying with Peanut

If I told you this story, you wouldn’t believe me, so unbelievable it was. I wrote it down so when you saw the words on paper, you would at…

READ · 7 MIN →
10

Whatzis with the Tzitzis

This story started out its life as a closing speech, but then I wanted to make it into something more permanent. The inspiration for it was the…

READ · 2 MIN →
11

All American Cleaners

All American Cleaners By Stu Silver / Zalman Velvel We were very curious while the building was being constructed on the corner of Merrick Road and…

READ · 1 MIN →
12

The Rabbi is Out

When Heshy arrived at Bais Simcha, the doors were locked. There was a note taped to the front door: “We had a last-minute emergency and we…

READ · 2 MIN →
13

Dear Rebbe

Dear Rebbe, I have a big problem. For the last ten years, I have wanted to buy a new Lexus. A jet black Lexus. With white wall tires. And special…

READ · 1 MIN →
14

Mustard Sandwiches

I began writing when I was thirty, using my American name. It seemed easy enough ‘ put words on paper that pandered to popular tastes, package them…

READ · 3 MIN →
15

Zeke and His Hog

“Zeke, it’s an 80 horsepower you-know-what.” Sally remarked while looking at the brochure. “Yes, and don’t you think it will look good on me?” After…

READ · 2 MIN →
16

Feminine Multi-Vitamins

Alex opened the frig, yawned, scratched, and searched for his vitamins, all at the same time. His trusty One-A-Days were on the top shelf of the…

READ · 2 MIN →
17

Things You Remember

“Heather, come on, you have to see this!” Donny ran up, shouting. Then the seven year old boy pulled his nine year old sister to the back of the…

READ · 3 MIN →
18

The Great Rosh Hashanah Mystery

Rabbi Levi and his wife, Rebecca stood by the front doors as their congregation filed out of Bais Simcha, the only Orthodox synagogue in Sunshine…

READ · 2 MIN →
19

Giggle Gaggle and Google

My wife spent a week designing and building their house. It was an elegant and expensive abode, strong and safe as Fort Knox. I scrutinized the…

READ · 3 MIN →

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