Thursday, August 17th, 2017

Dear Rebbe
by
Zalman Velvel

Dear Rebbe,
 
I have a big problem.
 
For the last ten years, I have wanted to buy a new Lexus. A jet black Lexus. With white wall tires. And special chrome rims. With a leather interior. Brown leather. Soft brown leather, not that fake Naugahyde. With a BOSE stereo. Six speakers. And a GPS navigation system, one that talks to you when it gives you directions.
 
For ten years, I have been eating baloney sandwiches for lunch, sometimes even for dinner, and taking the money I saved and putting it in the bank. Rebbe, I made sure it was Glatt kosher baloney, and that was why it took ten years. If I used Oscar Meyer baloney, it would have cut the time down to eight years.
 
Today was the day. I was going down to Lexus of Fort Myers and buy my heart's desire. I made an appointment with Marcelle, the Lexus marketing specialist. (Lexus doesn't have car salesmen, they have marketing specialists.)
 
Well, just as I was grabbing the car keys to my rundown 1988 Toyota Corolla, with 160,000 miles and rust above all the wheel wells, the Rebbetzin called me.
 
She said, "Gershon, we have a problem."
 
 
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© Copyright 2012 by Zalman Velvel Inc.
 
 
You may print this story for yourself, but not make copies without author's permission.
 
 
 

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